Nda Gukunda, I love you!

So I haven’t blogged in over a year… but I need to hurry up and record my stories before I forget them forever!  I apparently forgot how to even use this site (which I never really learned in the first place), but my pictures are too big.  Eh, maybe I’ll fix them later.  But for now, I recap:

You see what happened was…

Rwanda closed adoptions.  The intent of this blog was to tell our adoption journey.  Okay, it’s just going to be the life journey.  I don’t know anything anymore!  But we decided while awaiting for Rwanda to reopen, we’ll go ahead and have baby #2 the old-fashioned way.

And about a year ago, I became very forgetful.  As in more than usual.  I even locked Twinklet in the car one time.  With the keys.  And had firetrucks, police, ambulances, and one terrified sweaty 2.5 yr old….

Then after much deliberation, we officially decided it was time to move back home.  RR travels a lot, and I wanted to have family nearby.  We knew the longer we stayed in Aggieland, the harder it would be to leave, and our intention was ALWAYS to return home.

So I announced at my beloved job that I wouldn’t be coming back next year.  And I sobbed and sobbed.  And I came home and ate this:

And RR walked in the door from work and just gaped at me, a sobbing mess, eating ice cream from a tub.  This made me realize I have an issue.  Sure enough…

and thus began even more craziness.  The emotional packing up our home that we adored, quitting my job, leaving our friends, and preparing for a BABY without a home to move in to!!  Well-meaning family and friends would say “so I guess you’re not adopting now, huh?” and I would get so upset and defensive.  My being pregnant didn’t a child out of an orphanage and give him/her a chance at a life of love.

This pregnancy was SO DIFFERENT than my first.  Instead of feeling sorry for myself for having morning sickness, I thought about the biological mother of my 3rd child across the world.  I would be nauseated and couldn’t eat much, but she is wondering when she’ll be able to eat again.  She doesn’t have to stand at a pharmacy and read bottles of pre-natal vitamins because she doesn’t have that option.  Does she have access to clean drinking water?  What is HER reaction to getting pregnant?  Did she immediately know she wouldn’t keep this baby?  What will HER childbirth experience be like??  And as excited as I was for this new life growing in my womb, I continued to long for and miss my little Rwandese baby.

Fast forward… I knew it was a boy.  Just KNEW it.  It would be perfect.  We’d have 2 little boys and then a sweet little African girl.  My boys would adore her and protect her, and when I’d have to spend hours on her hair, she’d be the only one with long hair and it wouldn’t be weird.  (okay, I’m ridiculous, I admit!).  During our ultra sound, we were shocked to find out it, it’s a GIRL!

(the pic we texted our friends and family to let them know… notice we were wearing BLUE because we knew baby Ace was in there!).

Soon, school was out.  RR was amazing at packing/moving.  I am soooo fortunate to have phenomenal friends who would come help me clean out or pack boxes.  I am forever indebted to Jenny.  Seriously.  And we were so fortunate to sell our house FAST!

rrr and Pansy both LOVED that our house was always covered in boxes!

We moved in with my parents.  I incubated a baby girl, whom I’ll call “Pippi”, since I’m not allowed to use real names on here (really RR has asked me not to even put pics on the internet.  This is a compromise!  Plus, he doesn’t really know I have a blog!).

Anyways, back home we lived.  Life was great.  We actually really enjoyed living with my parents.  But I was antsy to nest.  I got a job (too far away) and we looked for houses.  And we swam a lot.

We finally bought our new house in October.  Immediately after that, I turned 30 (while RR was out of state and I was big pregnant and feeling sorry for myself for not celebrating).  Then on November 1, I was in a wreck.  Thus, maternity leave started early for me.

And on 11/11/11, I got my WISH and gave birth to this beautiful creature:

and I was smitten.

and so was rr.  And Daddoo, too!

And now she is 3 months old.

Well-meaning people tell us we have the perfect family: 1 boy and 1 girl, but I continue to feel such a deep longing for my #3.  I am so exhausted.  I don’t know how people survive having so many little ones.  But I know that there is another baby somewhere in the world, and that I’m that baby’s Mama.  And I need to find a way to find that baby and bring him/her home.

None of this is remotely eloquent.  But there’s my 2 minute recap of my past year.

And I’m going to consider that caught up because it’s 2am and this mama is tired!  I’ll tell fun stories later.  :)

I am a person who tends to get very overwhelmed by all the stuff that needs to get done.

Our house is a disaster.  Now when I say that, I don’t mean I haven’t dusted in awhile and that some toys are strewn about.  I mean it’s gross.  And it’s mostly my fault.  I don’t know how to pick up after myself.

Along with most people I know, my eating habits have been ridiculous here lately.   ‘Tis the season to load up on JUNK and just keep eating in the name of being merry.

My spiritual life is a mess.  My 45 second toddler echo-prayers each night have counted as my “quiet time.”  Oh, and they’re not really every night.  Just the nights I put the twinklet to sleep.  Which hasn’t been much lately due to family around who would prefer to do it.

Hmmm….

When life gets overwhelming, I tend to start making myself promises that are far-fetched and ridiculous.  Ya know, the I’m-going-to-wake-up-at-4:45-and-work-out-then-spend-45-minutes-with-God-and-then-pack-my-healthy-lunch-all-before-going-to-work…and-also-I’ll-only-spend-15-min-doing-leisure-activity-on-the-computer-tonight…and-also-I’ll-eat-SO-FREAKING-HEALTHY-today!

What, you don’t make promises like that to yourself?  And then feel disappointed later on?  LUCKY!

SO!  Starting tomorrow (because why start something today that could be put off until tomorrow), I’m going to make some promises to myself that I can keep, at least for awhile.  These aren’t New Years Resolutions (which, let’s face it, are made to be broken!), but just a way to try to declutter my life and ease my overwhelmingness (huh?).

1)  at least 15 minutes doing SOMETHING TO CLEAN OUR HOME every day.  This surely sounds like nothing to anyone who is not me.  But it’s at least 15 more minutes than I do most days.  I am going to set a timer and work like mad for those 15 minutes.  I can give at least 15 minutes, even after a hard day at work.  There is simply no excuse.  HOPEFULLY, I can fit in a couple (few?) 15 minute increments.

2)  at least 15 minutes of alone time with God.  I won’t stress about where or when I do this.  But I need to work on strengthening my relationship with the One who matters most!

3)  LAY OFF THE CANDY!!!  I am a professed candy-aholic.  I can’t seem to stop eating it.  I need to go a few days between my candy eating.  And just a small piece will suffice.

4)  Seriously, limit the internet time.  Use the timer again.

Sheesh, what is wrong with me?

I am publicly professing these promises with the hope that this helps me stick to them.  This will make for a happier, healthier home in which to focus on my lovies.

I just found out tonight that some people actually READ my poorly kept blog.   And I promised an update on my rr soon.  I’ll try to write before I go back to work next week.  But no more promises.    In the meantime, enjoy a Christmas pic:

P.S.  I love accountability!  If I know you in real life, please ask me if I’m making good on my promises.  I do hate to disappoint!

I just typed a post about how my world has been rocked. And how incredible that weekend was. But that I don’t even know how to talk to my husband about it.  I just don’t know where to start. And I was so obnoxiously shy and didn’t talk to people. It was just very overwhelming. But in an absolutely wonderful way…  I feel encouraged and empowered and yet still confused and timid…

I wrote lots more before my post was lost in the great abyss.  Too tired to redo.  Perhaps tomorrow.

Hmmm…

I have successfully forgotten how to put pictures and video on here.  Oops.  I’ll figure it out maybe around Thanksgiving when I’ll be forever done with my formal education.    Can’t wait!   I think an update on the twinklet is long overdue.  Might have to wait for Thanksgiving, though!

Howdy friends! I keep writing cute posts in my head about my precious boy. Buuuut then life happens (crazy month at work, back to grad school, RR traveling, all while trying to be the best mama possible to the twinklet) and they never get typed out. Plus, I need to take pictures very badly. So this is NOT a family update! I’ll try to do one soon.

I am taking off work tomorrow (which is CRAZY) to focus on my grad school internship. And then I head to Austin for Together For Adoption. I am so excited! I thought my husband would be joining me, but rr needs some stability right now, so they’ll be staying home. I will have never met another person there, and I’m so new to the adoption world and such an inconsistent blogger, so I don’t really even have anyone to meet up with. BUT it will be full of lots of people who share God’s heart for adoption. That is SO EXCITING! I have a hotel room (Renaissance) Friday. I know I’ll meet some amazing people It will be a fun little sabbatical.

Hmmm… I’m rambling. I should save the ramble for my graduate school papers!

I loved Amy’s post here about waiting.

http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/2010/09/while-we-wait.html

Even though, technically, I’m just waiting right now… (We’re still quite confident we’ll be adopting from Rwanda)

As soon as Rwanda opens back up, we’ll jump right in, whatever it takes.

Heartbroken and confused.
He has a plan. And I am lacking patience.